Conversations with a 2 yr. old (my 2 yr. old)

So I'm driving juju and tank to daycare. We stop at a red light and this is what we see:

JUJU: Momma big truck!

ME: I see. Its a semi-truck.

JUJU: No momma. Issa bee-ah (beer) truck. 

ME: How do you know its a beer truck.

JUJU: Momma iss daddy bee-ah truck. Dats daddy bee-ah. He got daddy bee-ah.

ME: Yes baby, that is the beer that daddy drinks.

JUJU: Yes. Iss daddy bee-ah truck. Ina bottle, member?

ME: You're right what was I thinking?

JUJU: Not a semi truck, a bee-ah truck. Daddy bee-ah truck.

*You think my husband drinks too much beer?!

So we keep driving and we get stopped at a light near a grocery store. And we see this:

(not the actual truck we saw, obviously)

JUJU: Ooh momma daddy bee-ah truck.

ME: I thought the other truck, was daddy's beer truck.

JUJU: Das daddy bee-ah truck too. Daddy like bee-ah. Daddy drink bee-ah.

Me: Oh I know now.

JUJU: Not juju. Juju drink milk. 

ME: Good.

JUJU: Why good? 

ME: Milk makes juju grow into a big boy. And then a man like daddy.

JUJU: Oh. Then juju drink bee-ah like daddy?

ME: How about you just drink milk for the rest of your life?

JUJU: Oh no. Issa resess.

ME: A what?

JUJU: Momma das too espensive.

ME: Were you trying to say its a recession?

JUJU: Ya dat.

ME: Ok. No more tv for you. 

JUJU: Daddy say it. Daddy say milk spensive.

ME: Well, next time tell daddy if he doesn't buy any more beer, then we'll have more money for milk.

JUJU: Ok. But daddy like bee-ah.

ME: I know.

JUJU: Too bad daddy. I a big boy!

The things that come out of juju's mouth amazes me. I can't wait to see what age 3 brings.

life is just so stressful when you're 2 1/2.

Deadliest Warrior

If you tweet with me, then you know I have a new fave show..."Deadliest Warrior" on spike. I have 2 words for this show...THE SHIT!! Seriously. Ok, so every week, they put two warriors up against each other and see which of them would win a fight. They do 2 days worth of testing on things like their weapons and their armour. They have these "tests" that can figure out how strong a hit is and what kind of damage it does. Like the first episode was apache vs. gladiator. I was gun-ho for the gladiator. But in the end the apache came out victorious. Well last night they had viking vs. samurai. I was going for the samurai and big daddy was going for the viking (mostly because as a kid he was fascinated with vikings...he was born in germany what can you say?) Well anyways...WOW...so they were showing what kind of damage a samurai's katana (his fighting blade) can do. The stunt samurai guy took a slice, a slice people, out of rubber man's head!! Ok, so I know I'm leaving out a bunch of details. Sue me I'm excited about this show. And besides, if you want to know what I'm talking about, you'll watch next week tuesday. Anyways...a slice! But then the viking stunt guy came on with his viking axe and pummeled (I have no idea how to spell that) rubber man's whole head! I mean if rubber man did not have a steel rod for his spine, his head would've been on the floor! But my man came out on top in the end. Go samurai! PEOPLE....you need to watch this show...its sooooo awesome. And look...I know it comes on the same time as RHONY, but you can switch back and forth when one goes to commercial. So check it out! I didn't convince you? Well check THIS out!

M.I.A. (as usual, but not for long)

So I've been a TERRIBLE blogger these days. 

So let's see...WORK! My schedule has been so crazy! One week I work 4pm to 1am and the next I go back to day shift, 7:30am to 4:30pm. I mean come on. Boy oh boy I cannot wait until the day that I can say goodbye. I love my job, but I love my days off even more! LOL! I absolutely HATE having to bring juju and tank to daycare 5 days a week. I HATE not being home when skinny and milkshake get home from school to help them with their homework. But all that will change. Big daddy is getting on at the fire department so Iwon't have to work full time anymore. I mean I certainly can if I want to, but I think i'm gonna take a break and be home with my babies. Maybe work part time again.

So...i'm having this ongoing thing with my ex (skinny and milkshakes biological "idiot"). He was trying to get full custody on the grounds that I had married. Um for starters, they will be 13 and 11, where the hell were you before now? And I've been married for almost 5 years. Oh come on dude! Anyways, the judge is gonna give us joint custody and then we have to work out the details. So the biggest issue is the fact that he DOES NOT pay child support and that I'm supposed to drive half the distance between our locations to drop them off to him...thats fricken Childress, TX!  Thats 7 hours away from where we live. He lives in Colorado Spings. I did not tell him to move to Colorado...he chose to do that on his own. I mean why the hell should I have to drive all that way?! And driving is EXPENSIVE...gas, food...I mean seriously. And then I have to make the drive with a 2 1/2 year old and a one year old...ALONE. I'll keep y'all posted. I dropped them off on good friday and am supposed to pick them up on the 19th, and am scheduling a meeting with my lawyer hopefully this wednesday.

So onto more exciting news...not sure if you caught it above in my ranting...TANK IS 1YEARS OLD!!!!!!! The milestone date was friday, April 10. It was indeed a GOOD friday. Didn't get to do anything because we were driving the entire day! (AAARRRGGGHHHH) But I'm still getting him a cake either today or tomorrow. Or maybe I should just wait until skinny and milkshake come back. We'll see.

I know I'm not here half as much as I want to be but you can ALWAYS tweet with me http://twitter.com/nicole_johnson (yes that was my blatant form of self marketing!)

Oh BTW...we got a new game table! It has a pool table, air hockey table, table tennis, finger football, bowling...its GREAT! What I don't like is the fact we really didn't have the room for it in our house, so it has now replaced our dining room table until big daddy finishes his back room. I will be posting pictures on my other blog High Heels & Athletic Shoes so check back in about 2 hours!

April fools, non-reality, cracking your knuckles, and other off the wall questions

Welcome to another edition of MY version of Thursday Thunks...

April Fools, Non-Reality, Cracking Your Knuckles, And Other Off The Wall Questions

1. Did you play any April Fools jokes on anyone or have a joke played on you?

Not this year...BORING! Last year though, my bestie told us she was moving to Georgia for some guy. The joke: She's the only level-headed one in my circle. She would NEVER just up and move for some guy. The kicker was, she was and still is, totally in love with this guy. Yes Kris, I just aired your business. My bad. So it was VERY believeable.

2. If you could be on any non-reality TV show as a guest star or star, which one would it be and why?

House of Payne...totally funny show. Ooh or House. Definitely C.S.I. (Vegas or Miami) House, cuz its a cool show and I would want to be the patient with the crazy symptoms. C.S.I. because its C.S.I.

3. Do you crack your knuckles?

I used to all the time until somebody told me it causes arthritis. Is that true? Anyways...haha I just cracked my knuckles..LOL. I normally just ball up my hand into a fist, and all my knuckles crack..You know like in all those karate and kung fu movies.

4. If you remember your first day of kindergarten, were you scared or excited? If you have kids or grandkids, were they scared or excited?

I really don't remember my first day of kindergarten. I do remember what the classroom looked like though...isn't that crazy.

5. If you are in the shower, hear the fire alarm going off and smell smoke/see flames, will you just run out of the house with a towel on or grab some clothes & dress as you run out?

Shoot...ima carry my ass out the house! Forget tryna get dressed..and on the way out...please..i'll fall on my ass and get burnt up! And besides..i think I look good ass F*&%K in a towel, dripping wet! LMAO!

6. Last week the Thursday Thunkers asked about your Daddy (twice), so this week tell us a little about your Mom.

She still lives in Hawaii with the rest of my family...hey wait...I didn't participate last week. Why were people wanting to know about people's daddy?

7. Which search engine do you use most often?

Google. I mean my browser is even google chrome.

8. Did you participate in Earth Hour?

NO..didn't even know when earth hour was. I 'read' a lot of people 'talking' bout it, but didn't pay attention. Is that bad? Oh well.

9. What was the last new-to-you movie you watched? Was it in the theater or on DVD? Was it good?

Like seriously, it was Wanted..you know with Angelina Jolie. Like big daddy said..it has the tightest suicide scene ever.

10. If you do something embarrassing, do you laugh it off, or sit & worry about it?

Hell, I laugh it off. why get so bent out of shape for something that has already past.

11. Where is your favorite spot in your home to sit & relax?

The toilet..haha..seriously..no one bothers me when I'm using the bathroom. I've even SAID I had to use the bathroom to get a couple minutes of peace.

So come play along if not today, then next week.

Dear Walmart Sugar Cookies

Dear Walmart sugar cookies,

I would like to start off with this...HOW DARE YOU?! Yes I said it and I'll say it again, HOW DARE YOU?! What you ask. Oh the ever so blatant sarcasm you seep. How dare you sit on that shelf staring at me, taunting me. You know exactly what you're doing! How can you just sit there so spring colored, and moist, pointing your little star shape at me while I walk by. You KNOW how hard I've been working out. You KNOW the food sacrafices I have made over the past couple months. But there you are...teasing me, laughing to yourself. Calling out my name was just plain cruel! How could you? After all this time, I thought we had an understanding. You were going to let me do my thing and patiently wait for me. But NOOOOOO...you had to go and doll yourself up with those spinkles. For Easter you say? HA! I know your scheming ways. Are you going to explain to my husband what you are doing in my house? No I have to. Just know that you and all your taunting deserve to get whats coming to you!

(***swallow***)

You're number 1 fan!

Pout

So..OMG..I'm actually gonna make it this week! The theme for this week is "POUT." PERFECT!

Juju was so NOT liking the beach!

Don't forget to check out all the other i heart faces entries for this week. And get your pout pictures in too!