Thursday, July 15, 2010

Stilettos and Douche Canoes


I've stolen this from Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilletos, and if she's new to you, then head over like NOW. Like, yesterday.

1. I’ve come to realize that my chest-size….could definitely be enhanced. I want big boobies!

2. I’ve come to realize that my job….is completely chill. Super stressLESS.

3. I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving….I have to be talking on the phone. Don't worry I use my bluetooth. Makes my drive (anywhere) so much faster and less stressful. There are just so many cars on the road in Austin. Better be talking on the phone then cussing at the car in front of be, next to me, or tail gaiting me.

4. I’ve come to realize that I need….at least 7 hours of sleep or I am uber cranky.

5. I’ve come to realize that I have lost….the first Coach bag that Big Daddy ever bought me. Sssshhhh.

6. I’ve come to realize that I real nails. THATS why I get solar nails all the time.

7. I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk….I can be pretty mean and sarcastic. I was told that I pretty much made some chick feel like complete shit. I mean she was trying to hit on my husband in front of me and when I told her to stop, she kept going.

8. I’ve come to realize that money….does buy happiness. I mean you should see the look on my kids faces come birthday and christmas time. :) Surely makes me happy seeing them happy.

9. I’ve come to realize that certain people….are complete douche canoes! 

11. I’ve come to realize that my siblings(s)….are pretty damn spoiled. But they're great and I love them with all of me.

12. I’ve come to realize that my mom….really is like my sister.

13. I’ve come to realize that my cell phone….is my mistress. Yes I am having an affair with my phone when I am supposed to be sleeping, or cooking, or cleaning, or working.

14. I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning….I didn't take a shower the night before, and woke up too late to take a shower before leaving for work. At least I didn't smell really bad.

15. I’ve come to realize that my first love is….black stilettos.

16. I’ve come to realize that right now I am thinking about….gettin some :)

17. I’ve come to realize that my dad….had his own life and well maybe i'll get into it another time.

18. I’ve come to realize that when I get on Facebook….I waste a lot of precious time that I could be using to blog or tweet :)

19. I’ve come to realize that today….I was pretty useless at work. Didn't feel like I did anything but watch youtube and catch up on my google reader.

20. I’ve come to realize that my best friend(s)….are really my sisters and brother from anotha motha.

21. I’ve come to realize that my spouse….really is one sexy ass man! (and he does kinda look like Vin Diesel)

22. I’ve come to realize that I really want to do….own my own bikini shop.

23. I’ve come to realize that life….is GREAT! Seriously.

24. I’ve come to realize that this weekend….will be super busy. 3, yes 3 parties to attend on Saturday.

25. I’ve come to realize that next weekend….is payday weekend! YES!

26. I’ve come to realize that my children….are little MEs running around, driving Big Daddy absolutely bananas.

27. I’ve come to realize that when life gives you lemons….you cut them in half and juice them over cotton balls. Then dip lemon saturated cotton balls in sugar and then gently scrub your face with the lemon/sugar cotton ball. (Thanks MAMI!)


  1. yay me! Then you grind them up in the disposal and they are a natural odor killer! ;]

  2. So cute! I'm now a new follower from That 22 Year-old Housewife Friendship Friday. I'm excited to get introduced to your blog. I hope you have a great weekend!

  3. YOu lost a Coach? How did that happen? I don't blame your for making her feel bad for hitting on your man. I think you were nice to not hit on her! HA! My phone is my other man too. My hubby tells me at night to put it

  4. Wait I forgot. What's a Douche Conoe?

  5. Mind if I borrow the "douche canoes" 'cause that might come in mighty handy! I've just come from the other blog of yours about exercizing in high heels, and I loved the workout where you almost puked. I'm totally going to try it! How is the "pouch" doing? Did you find that the power jumping worked? I would think so...right? Tell me I'm right. I'm following you back. I loved your blog post about the "I've come to realize..." what a great way to really think deeply and be a smart ass all at once!

  6. Very entertaining list!

    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

  7. Love the lemon answer!! I'll have to try that. :-)

    You little mes and sexy man does sound like a GREAT life.

    Happy to read your realizations! Congrats and Happy Saturday SITS sharefest! Enjoy your parties.

  8. Douche canoe is the best name ever, god I love the Bloggess...I also love Ass Hat, Cock Bag and Fugly Temptress.

    Also, Happy SITS sharefest, I followed immediately. The stilettos, douche canoe and witty sass is really what life is about.

    Please stop by my blogs too

  9. If you open a bikini shop, I'll be your first customer if you stock some mom-friendly 'kinis!

  10. Oh, the driving in Austin...don't remind me! Yuck!

  11. Drove through Austin today and sat through traffic. The cell phone is such a good friend to me during those times.
    let me know if you make a vinyl bag for swim trunks.